From The Trenches

A Little Background

If you follow me over on Instagram (@mamafeeshappyhome) then you probably already know that our house has been on different levels of isolation due to Covid-19 over the past three or four weeks.

It started that we all had bits of colds, runny noses, sore throats etc. – so we got tested, and they were negative. The following Monday we found out that since our tests we had been close contacts, and so we had to go for more tests.

On this first round of close contact testing, my husband and my teen turned out to be positive for Covid, so I rejigged the bedrooms around and put my husband in my son’s box room and the teen got her room to herself (she was thrilled!) and I isolated the other four of us away from them. I delivered food up to the isolation rooms wearing masks, and washing and sanitising. We had anti-bacterial sprays to wipe down anything the “infected” touched on route to their bathroom – and the rest of us only used the bathroom downstairs, so as to avoid contamination!

And then… two days later, my son got a high temperature and didn’t want to move or eat. So I brought him for a test, and then set him up for a semi Covid-ward bed for him while waiting on the results. He got given an airbed and put on the landing outside the two isolation rooms!

When that test came back positive, then he moved back into his room… sharing with his Dad! Which I think was interesting for them both! My son was happy enough though as far as I could tell, as every time I delivered food up he was attached to either his laptop or his switch via his headset!

I was of course very aware that at that stage, we had spent two of his highly infectious days “isolating” with him in the sitting room, and so would be very lucky to escape it. But we were still hopeful. Particularly as I already had a bad enough dose, and had been tested and negative three times by then, while being sick.

The Trenches

So while my husband, teenager and tween were all isolated in their rooms – it was just me and the little two downstairs. It was sometimes calm and peaceful, and in other times it was a lot and overwhelming. I managed to get a lot of cooking and baking done, making sure to batch cook meals for in case I ended up sick as well and to make sure that I was feeding my patients nice healthy food that they also liked.

One of the first few days, it was the teenagers 15th birthday and I felt so bad for her that she was locked up in isolation in her room on her own, so I tried to make it as special as I could, from outside the room. I made her a roast dinner, and found her a table for her room and got her Dad to go in and eat with her, I found a recipe for a special cake for her (she asked for me to surprise her with the cake, the pressure!!), I decorated a tray for her, and delivered it all up, burning myself numerous times and stressing myself out trying to make it special for her, that I ended up snapping at everyone else… and when I landed the tray to her room, the tears flowed as I backed out! I then had to go back downstairs and make the birthday meal minus the birthday girl special for the other kids too! And it was nice, and then we did a group call with her siblings to sing happy birthday at cake time – and of course neither of the isolated people answered their call so I had to hand my phone into the infection zone!!

A couple of friends rang to see how I was holding up, and I was quite cheerful about it. Happy that no one was dangerously ill. One friend said I was remarkably calm and positive for the situation – and I joked to her that I’m just getting through it while I’m in it but could end up PTSD after we get out the other side. I tend to go into “crises mode” while there is a crises happening, and I am productive and focused – and then when crises averted, I collapse in a mess.

How it felt was that I was in the trenches. That I was surviving at any cost. I was feeding and medicating whoever needed it, and I was sanitising and washing everything constantly. That it was all barely done and I had to go again. My 3yr old and 7yr old were great, but they got really fed up and the continually destructive 3yr old upped her game! The walls became canvases, the furniture became islands, food was discarded everywhere for the fun of it, water poured over furniture or the floor… and I get it, she was actually getting less of me even though I wasn’t going anywhere, and I was overlooking stuff so as I could get food made/delivered/collected/washed up after and on and on. And I was also sick and miserable myself too.

It is more common that I am sick, than I am not. Every time I get a chill on my chest or upper back, I’ll get a cough, or if I go outside with wet hair, or wind blows in my ears out walking, I’ll get a dose. And I don’t shake it off easily. My dose (cold/cough) spends weeks coming on, and then stays for months, easing a bit and then kicking back in.

So while I was running up and down the stairs to my isolation wards upstairs, my head was sore, my sinus at me, had a mild cough, no energy and the sweat was pouring from me, constantly!

I kept thinking to myself that I should be doing little vlogs of me, updating what I was doing now… and it just kept ringing in my mind “latest update from the trenches….”

Escaping The Trenches

I suppose the thing with the trenches in a war is you are fighting for your life while you’re in there, and then once its over you can come out. And I suppose that is one of the reasons that it felt comparable in my mind. It might be tough while I was in there, but there was an end in sight and once I survived that far, we would be out. So we just had to survive.

The survival wasn’t just the physical survival of lets get better, which obviously was number one. But it was the mental survival. I didn’t have any adults to talk to in person during their isolation (thank goodness for the internet!) – but I always tell my husband my silly little wins and knocks in a day. But he was too sick to care, he was pretty miserable, vomiting and weak, not able to sleep or see straight. And anyone who spends a lot of time one to one with little people knows, it is mentally draining when there is no break. There was no break, they were in my bed with me, they needed me to stay with them until they were asleep, climbed over me all night and pulled me out of the bed first thing in the morning (which wasn’t great as I kept staying up late watching grown up tv, just to have some alone time!) Then there was the worrying side – I am an overthinker, and I tend to catastrophize a lot, going to worst possible scenario first. So I had to keep that at bay. I couldn’t let my thoughts loose, because I had to get through this and if I had allowed my thoughts go there, I would have gone into panic. And then I would have been no good to anyone.

Then on my last day as the sole adult downstairs, my symptoms changed so I went for a test, which came back positive the next morning just after my husband came out of his isolation room!

I then moved into our room, arranged to get the small girls tested, and stayed away from everyone until their results came back. Now I have to be honest, I was delighted to get some alone time. I was hoping for my own sake (as well as theirs) that they came back negative because then I would have to isolate for my 10 days until I was no longer infectious.

The next afternoon the results came back and they were positive, so technically we may as well all be together, but I had an emotional rant to my husband and got to stay in my room (well my son’s isolation room) for another few days to just recharge myself from the full-on-ness of the previous two weeks.

I think that those few days have made such a difference to me, because yesterday my husband, teen and tween were all back to work/school and I think I might not have handled it as well if I didn’t have a proper break in between. That break allowed me to get out of the trenches and get back to safe ground.

The two small girls and I have just under a week before we are out of isolation, and I am just keeping my fingers and toes crossed that we continue as we are, and no one ends up badly ill. Luckily we have plenty of food in the freezers now, and I have been blown away by the kindness of people, so we just have to concentrate on taking it easy and getting better!